How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
