Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
