Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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