I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't turn off my feet"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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