I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
