he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
