you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
