i think my tv is drunk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
