im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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