But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
