She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
