Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
