Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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