he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
