sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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