i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
