I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
