They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
