a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
