she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
