Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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