I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I party with great urgency now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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