The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
