M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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