So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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