My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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