His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
