i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
