Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
