dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
