she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
