That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
