I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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