obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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