fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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