She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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