well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
