You can't motorboat a personality
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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