are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
