My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
