It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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