I think I died a long time ago.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
