the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
