Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
