This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
