hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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