I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
