Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
