3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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