i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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