i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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