I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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